Conan v. Watch Dogs: Dawn of Voyeurism
One of the very first reviews of Ubisoft’s uber anticipated Watch Dogs comes way of the Clueless Gamer himself — CoCo!
Okay, it’s less on the review side and more on the “mock relentlessly” side, but video games, or the struggle of video games, are always fun to watch through Conan’s sardonic viewpoint. If you take anything away from this segment, just remember that sometimes, in order to solve a crime, you have to start a new crime. (And try to die in a graveyard; cuts out the middle man).
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These guys brought sexy back, but since sexy doesn’t put food on the table, perhaps it’s time to give back.
Evolve Bursts Through the Trees This October
You’re not alone out there. No, I’m not referring to your three, twitchy comrades ready to spray lead at anything that ruffles a bush. I’m talking about the hulking monstrosity stalking you from behind the treeline; the thing that you’ve tricked yourself into thinking you’re hunting.
Turtle Rock Studios, the house that brought you the co-op sensation Left 4 Dead, returns to the scene with a new take on cooperative multiplayer action (the “new” being the experience of having your body slammed against a rock by a thirty-foot tall creature who’s punched its way out of a Corman movie).
Publisher 2K has announced Evolve will launch globally October 21st on PC, PS4, and Xbox One. Multiple monsters, hunter classes to play as, and dozens of maps are promised on disc as soon as the game hits shelves.
One of the more titillating next-gen only affairs announced this year, I’m hoping Turtle Rock can outshine the zombie shooting legacy it relinquished to Valve in Left 4 Dead. If this “4v1” experiment works, the better question will be, which is more fun? Tearing a monster down one bullet at a time or tearing a hunter apart one limb at a time?
"No More Hope. No More Batman" — First Akrham Knight Gameplay Trailer
The final chapter in Rocksteady’s Dark Knight video game trilogy approaches. The Scarecrow’s impending threat of fear-gassing Gotham has trapped the Batman in a city populated by madmen. Worse — because it can and will always get worse for the Caped Crusader — there’s a new masked menace in town calling himself “The Arkham Knight,” and he’s skilled enough and driven enough to match the Bat blow for blow.
Bad for Batman, fantastic for us. A next-gen only affair, Rocksteady doesn’t wish to go out quietly into the night, building a stunningly rendered, jaw-dropping last hurrah for the best superhero series in gaming. Hopefully it’s as good as it looks, because it looks too damn good.
Anyone walking around with all eight is guaranteed to have seen some shit.
Halo 5: Guardians is a bigger effort than Halo 4. That applies to the content and scope of the game, as well as the technology in what’s now a brand new and more powerful engine. Certainly there are some core elements carried over from prior games, but we’ve invested a huge effort in retooling our tech to take full advantage of the Xbox One’s hardware and ecosystem to create worlds and experiences worthy of next-gen.
Microsoft to Sell Kinect-less Xbox One Units in June (!)
The genesis of Microsoft’s policy on the Xbox One/Kinect 2.0 pairing began with the company announcing the console wouldn’t even function without the peripheral. Fan feedback — vehement feedback — had MS back down from that divisive decision.
But Microsoft would not relent completely, stating that the Kinect was such an integral part of their Xbox strategy, they would never sell Xbox One units without bundling the extraneous motion sensor. Well, folks, never say never, huh?
The new chief of Xbox, Phil Spencer, says that while the Kinect remains locked into their vision for the future of Xbox (“It’s an important differentiator for us”), Microsoft is responding to fans who wish to experience Xbox One only through a wireless controller.
Thusly, beginning June 9th, you’ll be able to find Xbox One units minus the Kinect on store shelves in North America and Europe, priced at $399 (or £349/399 Euros).
For me, this has been the make-or-break factor keeping me from jumping on Xbox’s next-generation. I haven’t the slightest interest in Kinect; it has potential, but we haven’t really gotten past the “swatting at air” phase of the technology. Until then, I’d like my primary form of interaction to be what’s worked since the NES: a controller.
How about you kindly gamers out there? Will you finally jump on the Xbone bandwagon now that Kinect is separate?
Dying Light Runs All the Way to February 2015
Developer Techland’s open-world, free-running survival horror, Dying Light, has suffered a delay, pushing the game’s release way the hell away to February 2015.
Having already given us a dose of zombie bashing action in Dead Island, Techland is diligent on expanding on that title’s concepts in Dying Light. Familiar to fans of that uneven but still fun game are a disaster-strewn open-world, a heavy focus on melee combat featuring DIY weaponry, and, of course, a shitload of the mortally-challenged coming at you.
However, Dying Light's signature mechanic — the ability to seamlessly traverse your environment by scaling buildings, hopping obstacles, and other assorted parkour heroics — is exactly why Techland is taking extra time on the game's brewing cycle.
"We believe the Natural Movement element of our game will change what you expect from the genre, and we don’t want to sacrifice any of its potential by releasing too early," said the game’s staff on their official site. “This quality-focused thinking underlines all our development choices and we hope you share our belief that the gameplay must always come first.”
It’s probably no small feat the studio is planning to launch Dying Light on five different platforms between the current and last generations (oh, yes, friends; the current-gen is now last-gen and the next-gen is now current. Can you dig it?).
I think this one is truly, truly promising. I find myself more in support of delaying the game to get it right than I am impatient I won’t get to club some zombies with ridiculous goddamn weapons earlier. Dead Island had great ingredients, but the final, rushed dish left most with a rotten taste in their mouth. We’ll see if Techland perfected their recipe… *sigh* in 2015.