Behold the arduous process of turning my 360 into a console more befitting of The Red Herb. Missed out on the limited Resident Evil 5 edition of the system back in ‘09 thanks to a sudden affliction of joblessness (fuck you very much, Gamestop). Recently, though, I got my hands on this fine shell and decided to put my shoulder to the wheel and tear apart my horrifically dusty console (and, to my surprise, found a whole cat lodged inside).
The undertaking lasted ‘bout ten minutes — would’ve taken closer to five if I wasn’t snapping useless pictures. I pondered making a How To but, really, what the hell for? There’s a million informative videos on YouTube detailing significantly crazier shit than cracking an Xbox and slapping a shell on it. The best Pro Tip I can impart is picking up this Opening Tool. It includes a little allen key perfect for those T8/T10 sized security screws (when I did console repairs, you’d find those screws stripped to hell because the kids who’d rip open their Xbox’s didn’t have the right screwdriver).
I’m still on the fence about the disc tray being white, I’d prefer either chrome or simply painting the thing black to nicely offset the red. Knowing me and my bottomless pit of laziness, I’ll likely leave the thing untouched and allow another pound of dust to gather on it. But, hey, at least I got that red part down pat.
“New ideas and some slight refining tweaks skirt around Epic’s established formula, but People Can Fly’s unwillingness to stray off the beaten path, paired with a relatively inconsequential story, ensures Judgment is the weakest entry in the series to date. Ah, don’t make that face. ‘The Bad One’ was bound to happen sometime.”
$99 Xbox 360 Kinect Bundle with Two Year Contract Officially Official
That so-called subscription Xbox 360 Bundle rumored last week is now available wherever there might be a Microsoft Store (which my sources say is nowhere). For $14.99 a month, you can enjoy a brand new Slim Xbox 360 with a Kinect Sensor and a two-year membership with Xbox Live. Adopting a contract similar to most cellphone plans, the system comes with a 24-month warranty and a termination fee that claims your firstborn if you decide to break monthly payments.
Everyone with sense and a calculator will tell you that, in the long run, it’s cheaper to just buy the bundle outright sans the contract — a fact already fueling dissenting opinions from the gaming public. Personally, I believe Microsoft is introducing the new payment model in an attempt to normalize alternative methods for customers to attain their product, so that going forward, people aren’t put off by the company initiating the very same business model for future devices and consoles.
Many may cry afoul this generation, but imagine the next lineup of consoles that hit the scene with price tags sure to zoom right past our current $300 comfort zones. If you offered me an Xbox 720 at release for a hundred bucks…well, let’s just say I wouldn’t quite snub my nose at it. We could be looking at a new trend, folks. We’ll see how this one plays out.
Man Attempts to Smuggle Blow in Xbox 360, Probably Voids Warranty
Deputies of the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office in Texas arrested a middle-aged gentleman during a routine traffic stop last week. Carlos Valenzuela, aged 42, appeared nervous during the stop, prompting deputies to search his Mercedes Benz for the source of his jitters. 1.8 kilograms of cocaine were found in Valenzuela’s possession in three brick-like bundles.
One bundle was recovered from a bag his eyes kept darting to on his passenger seat, but the real kicker were the two bricks (above) stuffed within an original model Xbox 360. Internalized components such as the heat sinks were removed from the system so that the hidden glad stuff could rest snugly on the motherboard. The disc drive is missing, but in a clever little touch, parts of the disc tray remain (the piece of black plastic in the second picture) giving the console the outward illusion of functionality.
Carlos was charged with manufacture/delivery of a controlled substance and put on a hefty $25,000 bond. Believe it or not, law enforcement officials cannot decipher that you’re transporting three bricks of California cornflakes, telepathically or otherwise. Valenzuela’s tell to deputies was that he failed to signal a turn. And if adherence to the rules of road isn’t the true lesson here, I don’t know what is.
What’s Microsoft Up To? A Subscription Based Xbox 360?
How would you feel about a 4GB Xbox 360 bundled together with a Kinect sensor for the low price of $99? That’s a saving of two-hundred dollars!
But there’s a catch, friend. In order to take that cheap, cheap bundle off of Microsoft’s hands, there’s sort of an eensy bit of a contractual obligation to take care of — for two years straight. The subscription fee Xbox would cost you about $15 bucks a month, netting you Xbox Live access and potentially other exclusives (like deals from cable providers) and comes with a two-year warranty as well as the looming threat of a cancellation fee if you decide to cut payments with Microsoft.
The company itself has refused to comment on the possible subscribed bundle, but if the report over at The Verge is to be believed, we could see this $99 Xbox as soon as next week. The Verge also points out that while the package is discounted at purchase, when compared to buying the full cost bundle now with two years of Xbox Live, it’s still fucking cheaper than riding out 24 months with the new bundle and subscription.
Despite that, tell a person he can make a quick buck today but make more if he waits, that person is still liable to defy reason and go for the instant gratification. If this subscription bundle is the real deal, Microsoft knows exactly what it’s doing when it comes to ensnaring more
Praise Birkin! RE: Operation Raccoon City is Getting Patched
The biggest issue that single-handedly knocked Slant Six’s spin-off down an entire letter grade was the horrendous bugs and glitches that accompany every play session, online or off (like zombies intermittently blinking in and out of existence — which they’re not often prone to do in real life, I’m told).
There’s a well of other problems plaguing this better-at-concept multiplayer mash, but enough shit has been stacked on ORC at this point — I’m sure we all have picked which side of the fence to stand on when it comes to loving or hating the red-headed step child of the franchise (my apologies to red-headed step children the world over).
Flawed game design obviously won’t be addressed but it has been confirmed on the Ask Capcom forum by the company’s friendly North American Senior Veep, Mr. Christian Svensson, that a patch is underway:
“There is a patch in the works to address some issues however I have no knowledge of whether or not these specific ones will be addressed. I’ve shared this thread…with many folks, including the producers in Japan and the QA team.”
No hard details (like what’s being fixed or when), but the most staggering news here is that ORC has a Quality Assurance team. Faced.
Halo 4 concept art.
Lollipop Chainsaw’s Starling Sisters Kick Zombie Dick
We’re steadfast in our approach to Lollipop Chainsaw’s June 12th release date and we have yet another trailer to add to our belt. This time, Juliet’s sisters, Cordelia and Rosalind, are showcased.
Not content with letting Juliet be the only zombie killing Starling, her sisters enter the fray with just as much talent for dismemberment and a penchant for flowery vulgarities (“My sisters and I wear our vaginas proudly,” proclaims Juliet, both affirming her femininity and ensuring a t-shirt out there somewhere will say that).
Currently playing Asura’s Wrath for the PS3. So far, it’s one of the best animes I’ve ever played.
My biggest gripe is the game’s strange hands-off policy, though. More often than not, I’m surprised when the game prompts any interaction on my part. Asura’s Wrath seems to get along just fine without me, perfectly emulating an anime episode. Then, as if remembering I was still there, it pities me with a short quick-time sequence before going back to being an anime.
Style doesn’t really always add up to substance. But when you have cosmic levels of style pouring out of every inch of your game, you’ve bought yourself some leeway. Asura’s six-armed quest for revenge is engaging, brutal camp that balances over-the-top action with tasteful presentation; CyberConnect2 hit their goal when they set out to make an interactive anime, and if you have the stomach for it and the patience required when you’re benched during lengthy cutscenes, Asura still manages to be one seriously badass trip and one of the more interesting gaming experiments this year.
SSX Launch Trailer — Defy Reality, Smash into Trees
Just picked up this blast of Winter punishment today for my PS3. There’s a definite learning curve to hurdle over, and a few hundred trees you’ll be hugging at high speed. But the core SSX experience I loved from the PS2 days is still there — just buried under a shit load of dub-step and modern day social networking nonsense.
If I’m not busy peeling myself off of a tree, I’ll catch you on those very incredibly hazardous slopes.